What I Lost
by shesamaniacforklaine
Summary: Kurt is broken because he lost everything. First his mom, then he almost lost his dad. Then NYADA. Then his dreams. And Blaine . A two shot. Klaine rated M to be safe


**Hey everyone! This is a new genre for me, drama. So I'm sorry if it's not good. TRIGGER WARNING: Attempted suicide**

**I do not own Glee**

Kurt was sobbing alone in a lonely place in New York at night. He couldn't believe it, he had lost everything. First his mom when he was 7. Then he almost lost his father. He then lost NYADA, the elections, then his dreams, and his first kiss. And now he had just lost his boyfriend.

"It's for the best," Blaine had said just a few hours earlier. What was supposed to be a lovely night with Blaine turned out to be the worst night of his life.

All he wanted to do was go back in time atleast a year ago when things between him and Blaine were good.

He remembered their first kiss and all of the other kisses they shared.

Blaine was like a dream to him but he knew he wasn't enough for him. His biggest fear had always been Blaine realizing Kurt was way too "girly" for him,and he was pretty sure Blaine broke up with him because of that.

He noticed how his man had changed in two years he knew him. First he was dapper, a gentleman. Then a year later he became less loving and more full of himself, but still insecure.

Blaine was slowly morphing into a male version of Rachel Berry now. He was no longer dapper and became very competitive. He wondered if it was because now "girly" and "delicate" Kurt Hummel was away.

Dapper Blaine was no longer dapper and Kurt didn't like that. He always compared himself to Blaine thinking _"Am I good enough? Am I worth it?". _And then Blaine was so hot while he was just a long thing with a big belly.

He even wondered if Blaine had actually loved him or he just did it to fool him.

Maybe he shouldn't have never tapped his shoulder. But maybe he wouldn't have been alive now.

All he knew was that he was now drowning in his tears at night in NYC with a few homeless people sleeping beside him.

He was wrong, terribly wrong, about surely didn't want another Rachel, even if he loved her with all of his heart.

He got up and went to his apartment. Thank God New York was "The City Who Never Sleeps" so he never had any bad thing like a crime or a mugging happening to him.

When he entered his apartment he fell on the couch crying. His cried woke Rachel who ran to him.

"Hey Kurt, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kurt looked up at her and didn't know if he had to yell at her or cry into her arms. He noticed her eyes were puffy so he hugged her and cried "Blaine.. he broke up with me!" He couldn't stop crying and he was sure he was already wetting Rachel's pj's. "Shhh,baby, don't cry," Rachel cooed "Finn broke up with me too... He decided he had to join the army..But it's for the best. Our men were only in the way of our dreams,Kurt! We're free now!" "I don't want a career if I don't have my Blaine,Rach. He's everything to me, even if I didn't tell him everyday.." Rachel kissed his head "There are better people than him. We're in New York, Kurt! Half a million of gay people live in New York! You'll find the right man soon. When you have a stable career" She moved his hair from his face lovingly "and I'll find the right man soon too when I'll be a Broadway star!" Kurt laughed a little bit, he knew they wouldn't be stars in only a few time. "Now let's go to sleep,ok?" said Rachel holding his hand. Kurt smiled a little bit and he went to bed with her.

At 3am, when Rachel was fast asleep in her king sized bed, he got up and went to the toilet. He looked at his messy reflection in the mirror and sighed. _Wow, I'm really disgusting, that's why Blaine left me_. He opened the cabinet where he kept the razors. His trembling hand put the razor on his wrist. "I'm sorry, Rachel, I'm so sorry!" He whispered as he sobbed. "I'm sorry."He had lost everything, he had nothing. He only had Rachel who constantly told him to move on with his life. And he tried, he really did. But now that Blaine had left him... _he just couldn't._So he moved the razor cutting himself.

The last thing he remembered before passing out was a crying Rachel screaming "NO!".

* * *

He woke up in an hospital bed. His wrist hurt like hell and he felt dizzy. But he wasn't dead. "Crap" he said "I'm alive". He just wanted to die, he wasn't worth anything, he was nothing.

"OH THANK GOD!" His father said when he entered his room. "Dad? How can you be here?"

"Kurt. You've been unconscious for 3 days and I came here yesterday. You had us all worried, bud" His father said. Kurt noticed he had cried. "What were you thinking? You could have _died_, Christ!" His father started crying again "Oh, Don't cry, dad," he said sadly "I'm sorry... I just.. I wanted to die! I had nothing and Blaine.. he broke up with me so I didn't even have him. I don't have him, dad! I want to die!" His father hugged him not so tightly because he was scared he would hurt him "Kurt, are you listening to yourself? You're only 19, you have all your life to live! You are born to be someone big, Kurt. You didn't lose still have me, your friends, and an upcoming fashion career! Do you think this is nothing?" Kurt sighed "No... but..." "But?" "I need Blaine.. without him I wouldn't be here today and I need him. He left me, dad" he chocked up a sob "he promised me he would never leave me and he left me. He left me! He left me!" Now he was sobbing freely, his father still hugging him.

"Kurt! Oh My God!" Rachel rushed into the hospital room "Are you crazy? You could have died!" Burt pulled away when Rachel ran to hug Kurt. "I'm sorry, Rach. I just wanted to die. Blaine left me! It was the last thing I could take.."

* * *

While Kurt was in hospital Blaine was still in Lima. No one had told him about Kurt, probably because they were disgusted by what he did. They were all obviously wrong. Blaine had broken up with Kurt for the best, Kurt could be free without him. But he still loved him a lot.

That day at glee practice he had noticed a weird thing. Tina was a little more distant and he thought it was weird.

"Blaine you are disgusting!" He heard when he was walking to his car. "What?" He never thought Tina of all people could be like that "What did I do? Why is everyone treating me like shit lately? What the HELL did I do, Tina?" He shouted back at her.

"You left Kurt! He needed you and you left him! He almost lost his life because of you!" _What? Lost his life? What the hell happened? "_What happened to him?"

"He tried to kill himself..." Tina said chocking back her tears.

Those words made his stomach twist and sink to his feet. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. "H-how... No! How did it happen? What... what did he do? Oh God!" "He cut his wrist and lost a lot of blood, but he didn't die. But he did that because of you!"

Blaine couldn't believe it. Kurt tried to kill himself and it was all his fault. He wasn't in the way of his dreams then.

He sobbed."I have to get to him!"

It was 2 pm in New York on a saturday. Kurt was still in hospital. He was alone. The day earlier he had woken up in his bed and seen all of the people he loved the most and promised them he would never do that again. Even if that was extremely hard. Because he wasn't good at anything and he didn't have Blaine.

Suddenly he saw the door opening and he couldn't believe what he saw. "Blaine?"


End file.
